*E*P*P*S*

A woman is shopping at Costco when "nature calls". She takes her 3 year old child, who speaks well & loud with her into the restroom. If you'd have been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard: "Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty Mommy? Oh! Now you gonna sit down on the toiwet paper Mommy? Mommy, what are you doing? Are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?" At this point the woman started to mentally count how many women were there when she walked in. A couple stalls were full, 4? 5? The child continued; "Mommy you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Dats a good girl Mommy. You gonna get candy for going stinkies on da potty? Let me see doze stinkies Mommy!" Trying to divert him, the mother handed him her purse and suggested he see if there was a candy for both of them. "Oh Mommy! I'm trying to see in der to see doze more stinkies." At this point the boy started to gag! "Oh Mommy doze stinkies are going to make me frow up. I fink I'm going to frow up Mommy! Dat is so GROSS!" His gags became louder and so did the chuckles outside the stall. She quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. "Mommy, I want you to get off the potty now and be done going stinkies. Get up, get up!" He grunted as he tried to pull her off of he toilet. The woman tried to reason with herself and brush off the embrassing situation. She bent down to count the feet under the door. "Oh, are you wooking under dere Mommy? You wooking at da wady's feet?" The boy began to pound on the locked stall door. "Mommy we have to go out now Mommy. We need to wash our hands." The woman sheepishly opened the stall door and found 20 woman smiling and applauding as the two began to wash their hands!..ahh...the joys of parenthood...

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle...
A couple drove to their car to the local Wal*Mart, only to have it break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to run in and do the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. She returned a while later to see a small group of people near the car. As she got closer she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the car. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of under-roo's turned "private" parts into public ones. Unable to stand the embarassment, she stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts and tucked everything back into place. Taking a deep breath, she stood up boldly to face the crowd. She looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband! The mechanic had to have 3 stiches in his forehead!!

My best friend Tara, and I took the girls to Moab. Because there were many times the radio kept going out, we decided to let the girls decide what CD to listen to. They took turns. First Kenny Chesney, then Toby Keith, you know, our usual...no big deal. Upon arrival at the hotel in Moab, it was Tika's turn to choose. I ran in to get registered and Tika passed a CD up to Tara. It was a rap CD that Tara thought would not be good for two sweet little children to listen to. She suggested Tika find something else. Tika said, "we've heard bad words in songs before." Tara gave Tika "the look" and had her return the CD to it's case. Tika looked for a couple minutes and handed Tara her second choice...Tu-Pac. Tara said, "No I don't think that's a good one to listen to. It has a lot of bad language. Really bad language." Tika said, "Tara, we've heard bad language before!" Tara asked, "Like Tu-Pac?" And without hesitation Tika replied, "No, like TWO PARENTS"!!

EP*PS

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

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